Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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