were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
