don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
