I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
