WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
