Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
