in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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