Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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