every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
