When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
