Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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