Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
