theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
