im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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