At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
