so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This is the high leading the old right now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
