There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
