found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
