cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
