Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we made out on top of his cat.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
