Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize