I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
