I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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