the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
