I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
