do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
