Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
