My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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