So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
and you fell through a lawn chair
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
