This is not my ceiling
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're a waste of cheezeits
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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