I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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