I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
