you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
