I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They have beer where we have blood.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
