youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
