This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
