So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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