I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
