At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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