Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
