My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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