I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
