woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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