why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
