There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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