Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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