They should really pass out barf bags in church
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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