i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
