i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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