I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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