I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize