You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You can't motorboat a personality
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
