I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Still dying that you shit outside
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
