Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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