Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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