i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
