I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
