Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
