I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
