Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
my liver is dry heaving
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
