He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
