You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
