this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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