Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
