don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
