he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize