I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize