Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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